Follow me around.

I don't know how I was talked into doing a show in the basement of an old Moose Lodge in Janesville, Wi... but I was. Quite easily in fact. Mike Kennedy, a fellow Janesville-raised comedian, came up with the idea and called me offering the possibility of money. We both thought our Janesville-star-power would rake in ticket sales. Old high school classmates, relatives, drunk people who don't really know what's happening. The possiblities were endless.

Although it was nice to be able to cut through a yard to get home from the show, the experience was not what either of us had expected. The good part was that we got to see some old friends. The bad part was that the shows were mostly attended by whoever usually goes to Dinos, the bar next door and the only place where the show was marketed via the use of flyers containing our names and some clip art. It was like doing a show at a union meeting except 90% of the people there were already retired.

There were so many skinny jeans and bands I had never heard of. It felt like I was in junior high again. Confused and decidedly uncool.

The shows were wierdly wonderful as they always are in Austin. There were thousands of people out to see live music and 35 out to see comedy. I think 7 of them were just looking for a place to sit down. The line up great.

One of those lists of names that makes me suprised I'm on it. I ventured out a few times in attempts to see some music but, i have an iPod so my time spent in crowded bars fighting to listen to 17 year old screeming chicks was limited. I was back to my hotel by 2am which, for SXSW, is like falling asleep after the news.

I live across the street from a park. It seemed like a selling point at first but, after the first few weeks go by and you remember that you aren’t athletic, it looses its appeal. For me it’s a bit like living across the street from a guy who calls me Fatty and is always having a party.

There’s always a group of attractive people playing waffle-ball. Matching windbreakers playing tennis. Whole Polo teams show up on Wednesdays and somehow, after I move past measuring the circumference of my thighs and weighing myself, they also make me feel bad for not owning a boat.

Dogs and the occasional drug deal are the only things I look forward to.

I thought it would be cool living by a park. You could just go there. Do park stuff whenever you want. I went over today and the same thing always happens. “Yep. I’m in a park. I’m thirsty. My house is right over there. ”

I used to wish I were more outgoing and willing to run for long periods of time each day in an endless pursuit of good health. Why was shot-put already written on my list of events at the 7th grade mandatory track-meet? Whatever it is, it’s the same reason why, instead of riding our bikes as kids, my only friend Liz and I would turn them upside-down in the driveway and pretend they were cake factories. We’ve been sitting around fantasizing about baked goods for a long time.